Mariam* reminisces of her hurriedly typed assignments with merely an hour’s deadline for submission. She has recently completed a 2-year programme for a Masters in Human Resource Management.
Being a student enrolled in a Virtual University, she had the facility to view lectures, submit assignments and attempt quizzes online using her laptop from home. However, married life with four kids made these tasks tedious for her.
Always juggling household work, parental duties, and social responsibilities, Mariam struggled on a daily basis to complete her second Master’s degree.
“When I got married 20 years ago, I had already completed my Masters in Mass Communications with an interest in Public Relations and Advertising,” shares Mariam.
“After marriage, we moved to a city, which was not very modern. I also had a fear that my in-laws may not like the idea of me working anywhere. It was a typical marriage, the life of an ordinary girl turning into a housemaker followed by travels, charms, luxuries, and motherhood. So the personality, if it ever existed, now revolves around home and kids.”
AN IDENTITY CRISIS
Like Mariam, many other married women in Pakistan and around the world, tend to feel a loss of purpose in their lives when they are unable to perform tasks other than their daily household chores.
In 1963, Betty Friedan, an American psychologist was perplexed by an unusual mental condition that she found was quite widespread, mostly among married women. They complained of depression, of being unable to focus on things, of bursting into tears without reason, sleeping a lot and feeling unusually tired. This feeling of unhappiness was there despite the women having secure marriages, children, financial security and social networks.
In her book titled “The Feminine Mystique”, Freidan wrote that these women did not face any hormonal or psychological issue. She realised that the source of these women’s condition was an identity crisis. A woman told her that she had everything – a husband moving up in his career, a lovely home, yet when she woke up in the morning there was nothing to look forward to. One question summed up her feelings: Is this all there is in life?
Half a century later, the situation is still the same for many women today. With better social and education standards, the impact of modernity brings with it a new brand of identity crisis in women.
“I got a bit stuck in a question I ask myself again and again, that am I of any worth?” shares Mariam. “Can I be of some use apart from daily house chores?” she says.
Amna*, who has prior work experience in banking, advertising, and electronic media, also felt a vacuum in her life, until recently being hired by a local school. “Initially I felt bad for not being able to go back to work or do something I was good at,” she says. “Later I realised it was not easy with three kids. Time has changed now, the news industry has evolved so much.” she laments. Nevertheless, she still feels happy that she would be able to utilise some time of her day in a useful manner, no matter that the work would not be associated with that of her prior experience.
THE TIME FACTOR
In Asian culture, tradition remains strong and dictates many aspects of society.
Psychologists have observed that as young girls grow into adolescence and womanhood, they comply more and more with the feminine roles demanded of them. Some studies even suggested that women are subtly conditioned to feel that over-achievement is an “unfeminine” trait. Those who do become part of the workforce, face difficulties in moving up the corporate ladder, especially if they are married.
Surprisingly, women may face a similar situation even in the West, where despite a more liberal approach being practiced towards life, they may still be expected to eventually contribute to raising a family. In 2017, New Zealand’s former prime minister Jacinda Ardern was drawn into a sexism row when she was the opposition leader.
She was asked if having a baby would affect her chances of becoming a prime minister. “It is totally unacceptable in 2017 to say that women should have to answer that question in the workplace,” Arden had then responded, saying it was a dilemma lots of working women faced. Jacinda went on to become the prime minister of her nation and became the second woman to give birth to a child while holding that office.
According to the Denver Women’s Commission, most women who work outside their homes are still the primary caregivers for their young children as well as elderly relatives.
For some, the option of hiring a nanny or a close relative taking care of offsprings is available, for others it is either not there or not preferred, hence the burden falling on the woman. Consequently, many women can only pursue their careers on a part-time basis, resulting in fewer promotion opportunities. They consider the ages of their children and the amount of time they have available before they decide to pursue a career path.
“I wanted to join the corporate world so badly but a PPSC job was not a workable option for me,“ says Uzma*, an MBA degree holder with a major in Marketing and now a mother of two. “I didn’t want to waste my studies, so I opted to join a school which was an 8-2 job.”
NOT LOSING HOPE
Taking out lesser time from their household routine still does not deter women from pursuing a career. Although many of them would still not be satisfied until they can fully participate in a working field and are eager to reach a top position, most feel that as long as there is an outlet for them to experience creativity, management skills and independence, working for fewer hours is actually not that bad.
“Apart from teaching, I also started a small scale home-based baking business and later on, started an event management business along with two friends,” says Uzma. “I was able to give time to my family as well and was a working woman side by side. It was easy to balance both sides due to less working hours,” she explains.
Amna always pursued a career option. “I’m very busy with my 3 kids and honestly I’m loving it,” she responds. “But sometimes you want to do something extra with your life. As I see my kids growing, they need my time and attention more than ever, but it is not very difficult to start working again. A lot of my friends are working moms and they are doing a great job. Nothing is difficult if you know the art of time management,” expresses Amna. She now looks forward to her new government job starting late in summer.
What Friedan argued in the 60s is that women be allowed and facilitated to pursue activities that enhance their identity. For many women, a career is what gives them a sense of being and purpose.
With this in mind, Mariam hopes that since she has completed her studies, she may one day be able to join a higher education institution as a lecturer.
“Some still laugh at me and I also question myself what’s the use after all these years,” she admits. “ But then I say that just for the sake of myself, I have to do something.”
*Names of case studies have been changed to protect identities.
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